11:11.

i hope every stupid love song reminds you of me.

i know you think of me, maybe not frequently but i'm sitting there in your mind on occasion and those are the moments i still breathe for.

you can hate me all you want, my heart has become as beaten as a punching bag by now; tattered and worn but still there and ready for more. i love that you say you hate me because at least i'm getting some kind of emotion from you. i know that i'm still there on your mind like a faint taste of something spicy on your tongue.

you don't want it there.

but it won't go away.

i won't go away.

i admit that i did it, i ruined us and i enjoyed every second of it.

i'm sadistic.

i bruise with looks and i cut with words.

we were murdered and i got out half alive, able to hide away the gun. does that count as partial suicide?

i know it still hurts and some days i just want to take it all back, but i can't so i'll just sit here and revel in the fact that the definition of you and i is still thought of.

you can deny it, but i know better.

you can deny me, but i'll still be here.

20/20 vision.

if love is blind...than what is lust?

drip drip drop little april showers.

spring means renewal.
sew up broken hearts, patch up open wounds and bury away old problems.

rain washes away the pain midday, the icicles of the past melting away. you can scrub away old problems but you'll probably be left with a burnmark as your battlescar. some old feelings never do pass but we learn to lock it up for safe keeping in a box and keep it in the back of our closets. you make have skeletons in yours but mine are filled to the brim with boxes upon boxes upon boxes.

i never let things go.

some things end up rotting away while others stay fresh for when they're ready to be opened again. too bad i'm way too terrified of my past to lift off the lids.

to say you don't care and to actually not care are two very different things. i don't believe in words. actions speak louder but i'd rather just sing along to lies if they're catchy enough. you drop them like bombs but they sure give a good beat to dance to.

i want a new beginning.
give me something to start with.

i live in a world where the sky is green and the grass is blue but i guess for you that's just opposite day. i can't change who i am but i've never wanted to. maybe if water was transparent instead of you in my world then things would be a lot easier to cope with. lies are fun to sing with but the melody of yours is starting to get
boring.
repetative.
old.

i need a new song to sing to. one that don't sting as bad as the words you said that slice me open.
why did you leave me?

reality can be more fucked up than dreams sometimes. wishing to be knocked into a coma for a constant one doesn't say much.
will you be my first breath after it?
or my last one before it?
maybe my last one at all.

i feel like i can't breathe. i've been thrown into the ocean and yet i cannot swim, the water as cold as death around me and my insides are freezing. throw me a rope, give me your hand. i'm sinking...sinking down into the dark depths of the unfamiliar and everything's swallowing me whole. your lies aren't good enough to save me now, huh?

i'm better off when i deal with (emotion)less.

chill out, don't let your little old heart worry about silly little me. this is, after all, just a dream is it not?

i'd rather drown in you than in water anyway because water just ends up washing all the remains away.
sometimes i don't want to forget.

my problems are buried with you, underground and kept safe.but another year goes by and there is nothing to renew, nothing to sew or patch up, nothing more to bury away. you leave me cold.

"thunderstorms could never stop me."
you could never stop me.

carpe diem; it's spring.