forever is an awfully long time.

this is all your fault.
i’m not mad, but disappointment can sting a little harder, cut a little deeper than anger can.

silence overtakes the two of us.
"it’s just a rest."
oh, okay. so now we’re speaking in music terms.
my body, my life is like a metronome; tick tock, tick tock. the battery’s going to die out eventually and you just keep draining the acid. your voice makes my heart pick up tempo and the bar of music has cut into half time, my heart pounding in my chest in quarter notes...no, more like eighth notes.
i play the chords,you add on what sounds best, right?
built up crescendo...followed close by deafening silence.

this is the finale. there is no encore.

you are not my coda.

there is no reprise.

my heart is screaming "da capo", go back in time, live through it again...but we both know that’s impossible.
this is the end.

the ballad of jude and lucy.

hearts are made of paper, dangerously thin and easy to tear so make sure you tread carefully when making your mark. crushes are just left on there, scribbled with pencil (complete with an eraser; free of charge) but you can bet on your damn life that love is in ink. worn as a tattoo. those will never go away.

don't kiss me and not mean it. i don't fall for the hell of it and this heart and been cut and bruised and battered enough that it could be considered a world war three battle ground.
i just want peace.
i thought love > (was more than) war but because of my mistakes and the ones i let my guard down to i've learned that it's more like love = (equals) war. i'm not a fighter but i'm beginning to think that maybe i should be.

where is my jude? sing all of your na na na's and i'll be in in the back of the venue with the sun in my eyes.
lucy's heart is torn, maybe you should let her into yours as a safty net. she's falling, spiraling in a downward motion with no place to land.
let the girl with kaleidoscope eyes under your skin.

thump thump thump silence. one of these days my heart's going to give out from caring so much, loving so hard. what's wrong with me?
screwed is an understatement.
"that's what you get when you let your heart win". i don't want it to win anymore. what exactly is the danger in losing? i should listen to my mind over my heart, but that's difficult too since you're haunting my head as well.
it wasn't supposed to be this hard.

two seperate directions.
i'm standing at a crossroad and i don't know which way to go. backwards is an option but it leaves me miserable. i'm through with that part in my life but i'm stuck in it for just a little longer as i stare at the fork in the road infront of me.
you're safe.
he's not.
wait, are you safe? i'm not even so sure about that. i fear the other way is dark and dangerous and there is a light in your direction, but i'm through with false advertising.
don't lie to me.

teach me guitar chords and maybe one day i'll write a song for you about running through rows of speeding cars. my hands are clumsy but not when they're in yours.

liar liar, pants on fire.

it's sad that it's come down to this.
i wonder how you sleep at night. does your insecurity sing good lullabies? you have no idea what you've become and what you've lost, sweetie, but i know i haven't lost anything. infact i gained something.

respect.
respect is something to keep you warm at night, warmer than sleeping under a wool blanket.
you
should
be
shivering.

i hope my name makes you sick. i hope whenever you think of me, your blood runs cold.
this isn't the end.
you had your fun with me honey and i'm through with you but oh, karma's a killer. i'll just sit back and enjoy my life knowing i'm right (how into myself i am) and that you are wrong. you were always wrong.
fight fire with fire and you're lucky if you don't burn.
liar liar, pants on fire. burn in hell mother fucker. you've already been burning since the first lie spilled from your lips months ago. what an idiot i was to trust everything you said.
you think you're so sly.
to say you need help is an understatement, but your case might be too dire to actually save. i hope every thought of me is like pouring salt into open cut wounds, writhing at the pain that you've only done to yourself.

i may be frayed at the edges and you hold the needle and thread to what you have ripped, but at least my heart's not damaged and cold.

i am a fighter.
i get knocked down and i stand right back up.
you're not as strong as i am and baby.

tick tock goes the clock, but time doesn't change a thing.
you can forgive but never forget and i hate to break it to you, but in your case neither will happen.
memories like photographs will eventually fade, but this pain you caused was so strong that it'll always hit full force when i think of you.
you're like venom, poison to those who care about you and if you don't quit your actions you'll eventually kill everything good you've got in your life. no one likes a liar. you may have everyone fooled but i see behind that mask of yours.

how do you deal with yourself?

i never understood hate and anger taking up someone's life, controlling them like some puppet on strings but that's what you are.
who's got your back? who's got your back that you wont eventually turn on?
being friends with you is like walking on eggshells, expecting broken promises and low blows. i'm ashamed to say that i had faith in you, i thought i saw a light inside of you other people couldn't see. now i know that the light was your heart burning into ashes.

you are walking on a battleground now around me that will
never.
go.
away.
i'm armed and dangerous. one wrong step and you're gone, blown to pieces but hey, if that's what it comes down to, it won't be a loss of a heart because you never had one in the first place.

i can breathe, i can breathe now.

failure.

it's like every step forward is equivalent to four steps backwards.

i'm inhaling underwater and holding my breath when i break surface.

it's like i'm asking for it.

don't take life so seriously, none of us ever get out of it alive.

consistently inconsistent.

at least i'm steady with what i do.

it's either really late or way too early, depends on your standpoint.

incoming: crash and burn.

oh, one more thing.

i'm dreaming before i even fall asleep and running out of sheep to count.

rapunzel had it easy.

i am trapped in a world where i don't feel at home.

dreaming is so much better than reality to the point where i don't ever want to wake up.

in dreams i can feel you wrap your arms around me and hold me tight, taste the sweet kisses from lips i've never touched.

why are you so far away?

it hurts.

my heart aches and not in that way that good kind of way i want it to, complete with butterflies set free inside your stomach. it's the way that hurts when you swallow, stomach twists and knots and feels like you can't breathe...like you're trapped underwater and drowning to death, anchor tied to your ankles and weighing you down.

it's wrong, in so many ways it's terribly wrong but then why does it feel like the right thing to do?

i can't stop this heart from beating.

don't tease me, don't end up saying it's all a lie because i could never live with that. i close my eyes and all i can see is you, is that mutual?

god, i pray every night that it is, hugging my pillow tightly to my chest pretending it's you.

itsnotwrong.

he's breathing next to me and i just want to block it all out. this isn't how it's supposed to be, that should be you lying next to me. sometimes i cry myself to sleep because i've never felt so alone in my life.

i'm lost.

i'm stranded in the middle of nowhere and you hold the map, so come rescue me.

when i was younger i was told if you wished hard enough, whatever you want will come true. so i'm sitting here now, watching for shooting stars and waiting till the clock turns 11:11.

nothing's happening.

when will i have my happy ending?

i need this like a bad habit. pleasebewithme.

before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.

i'm just a ghost.
is this what we've become? i remember things so vividly, like they only happened yesterday and now you're throwing around past tense words and i'm struggling to find a reason why.
i wasn't aware that we died.

how was the funeral? i hope the casket was big enough to fit the two of us.

was the eulogy nice? how much real information was watered down? no one will ever know the truth and you just keep pushing it away, even in this apparent afterlife.

dear coroner, i may have cheated but she stabbed me in the back. can you not see the crimson red flowing down my spine?

we may be done and over with one chapter of our lives, but the door was left swinging...

i guess you slammed it shut.
i can hear the repercussions in my head echo, echo, echoing till the words have numbed me and i cannot feel a thing.

you gave up everything.

a punch in the gut, a slap in the face...this hurt is more unberable than those two put together. you've got your hands around my heart and your grip is tightening, but i'm a surviver. i will survive.
i may have made this mess like a hurricane leaves destruction in it's path, but baby you came in like a wildfire and burned it all to the ground while i came back to reconstruct things.

you never even gave it a chance.

you're a fucking liar.

well, you know what the funny thing is? no matter how many times you scribble over my face in pictures, how many times you rip apart every letter i gave you and toss it into the wastebasket, set fire to the roses and destroy everything that reminds you of me...i'll still get my revenge.

remember: you can't erase memories.

and straight on till morning.

i'm wishing on shooting stars that end up being airplanes.

i'm going nowhere fast.

150 knots is still not fast enough.

it's like i've just gone a thousand miles on one tank of gas, foot pressed against the petal like i've got nothing to lose till i've become a blur of movement and sound.

faster than a bullet.

faster than the speed of light.

i want to scream, but it strangely feels good, comforting that i've grown to sit back and relax. laugh. mechanical laughter. is this what my life's become? full speed without a rest stop in sight? reattach the breaks and hand me a map: i want to go home.

my ties are starting to wear thin, which sounds like something familiar to my motivation. this falls onto deaf ears, but in the end aren't you the only one that matters?

i'm the little engine that could, but can't.

chuga-chuga choo-ch--i've run out of gas.

someone please help, give me a push to keep me going. i can't give up, not when i'm in the middle, but it's so easy to just let go over everything and fall back down the hill to the beginning. trying involves too much effort and sucks too much of your strength away nowadays.

i think i can, i think i can, i think  i can...

where the wild things are.

i'm in love with myself

but the same time i want to push myself down a flight of stairs.

i'm such a terror, i know.

put up a blockade when the sun is high but when the moon rises, the claws come out.

it's sick.

punching mirrors and kicking walls gets tiring, just pour me a glass of cyanide and send me to bed with no supper.

i'm done.