you're only a rebel from the waist down.

this body's much too young to be feeling this old.

you can't teach an old dog new tricks.

it's a good thing i've got a few of them left that are hidden up my sleeve.

carry me home since i can barely carry myself on.

i make no sense nowadays.

i get my kicks from kicking others.

i can be the master of revenge.

i'm cunning, witty and i'll tear you apart with my tongue.

who ever said words weren't deadly weapons?

i'll slice you, rip you in half with the dialogue i choose till you're left naked and bare, nothing to hide yourself away from.

want to run and hide?

why do people think the safest place to hide is under a blanket of lies?

don't they know that the fleece is frayed at the edges and one tug at the thread and it's over? some can't even hide, some are concealing themselves with transparency.

dumb lies are pointless lies are pointless protection methods.

i see right through to you.

11:11.

i hope every stupid love song reminds you of me.

i know you think of me, maybe not frequently but i'm sitting there in your mind on occasion and those are the moments i still breathe for.

you can hate me all you want, my heart has become as beaten as a punching bag by now; tattered and worn but still there and ready for more. i love that you say you hate me because at least i'm getting some kind of emotion from you. i know that i'm still there on your mind like a faint taste of something spicy on your tongue.

you don't want it there.

but it won't go away.

i won't go away.

i admit that i did it, i ruined us and i enjoyed every second of it.

i'm sadistic.

i bruise with looks and i cut with words.

we were murdered and i got out half alive, able to hide away the gun. does that count as partial suicide?

i know it still hurts and some days i just want to take it all back, but i can't so i'll just sit here and revel in the fact that the definition of you and i is still thought of.

you can deny it, but i know better.

you can deny me, but i'll still be here.

20/20 vision.

if love is blind...than what is lust?

drip drip drop little april showers.

spring means renewal.
sew up broken hearts, patch up open wounds and bury away old problems.

rain washes away the pain midday, the icicles of the past melting away. you can scrub away old problems but you'll probably be left with a burnmark as your battlescar. some old feelings never do pass but we learn to lock it up for safe keeping in a box and keep it in the back of our closets. you make have skeletons in yours but mine are filled to the brim with boxes upon boxes upon boxes.

i never let things go.

some things end up rotting away while others stay fresh for when they're ready to be opened again. too bad i'm way too terrified of my past to lift off the lids.

to say you don't care and to actually not care are two very different things. i don't believe in words. actions speak louder but i'd rather just sing along to lies if they're catchy enough. you drop them like bombs but they sure give a good beat to dance to.

i want a new beginning.
give me something to start with.

i live in a world where the sky is green and the grass is blue but i guess for you that's just opposite day. i can't change who i am but i've never wanted to. maybe if water was transparent instead of you in my world then things would be a lot easier to cope with. lies are fun to sing with but the melody of yours is starting to get
boring.
repetative.
old.

i need a new song to sing to. one that don't sting as bad as the words you said that slice me open.
why did you leave me?

reality can be more fucked up than dreams sometimes. wishing to be knocked into a coma for a constant one doesn't say much.
will you be my first breath after it?
or my last one before it?
maybe my last one at all.

i feel like i can't breathe. i've been thrown into the ocean and yet i cannot swim, the water as cold as death around me and my insides are freezing. throw me a rope, give me your hand. i'm sinking...sinking down into the dark depths of the unfamiliar and everything's swallowing me whole. your lies aren't good enough to save me now, huh?

i'm better off when i deal with (emotion)less.

chill out, don't let your little old heart worry about silly little me. this is, after all, just a dream is it not?

i'd rather drown in you than in water anyway because water just ends up washing all the remains away.
sometimes i don't want to forget.

my problems are buried with you, underground and kept safe.but another year goes by and there is nothing to renew, nothing to sew or patch up, nothing more to bury away. you leave me cold.

"thunderstorms could never stop me."
you could never stop me.

carpe diem; it's spring.

my wrist has bruises so deep my bones can feel it.

the truth is like a rubberband, you can only stretch it so far until it snaps.

forever is an awfully long time.

this is all your fault.
i’m not mad, but disappointment can sting a little harder, cut a little deeper than anger can.

silence overtakes the two of us.
"it’s just a rest."
oh, okay. so now we’re speaking in music terms.
my body, my life is like a metronome; tick tock, tick tock. the battery’s going to die out eventually and you just keep draining the acid. your voice makes my heart pick up tempo and the bar of music has cut into half time, my heart pounding in my chest in quarter notes...no, more like eighth notes.
i play the chords,you add on what sounds best, right?
built up crescendo...followed close by deafening silence.

this is the finale. there is no encore.

you are not my coda.

there is no reprise.

my heart is screaming "da capo", go back in time, live through it again...but we both know that’s impossible.
this is the end.

the ballad of jude and lucy.

hearts are made of paper, dangerously thin and easy to tear so make sure you tread carefully when making your mark. crushes are just left on there, scribbled with pencil (complete with an eraser; free of charge) but you can bet on your damn life that love is in ink. worn as a tattoo. those will never go away.

don't kiss me and not mean it. i don't fall for the hell of it and this heart and been cut and bruised and battered enough that it could be considered a world war three battle ground.
i just want peace.
i thought love > (was more than) war but because of my mistakes and the ones i let my guard down to i've learned that it's more like love = (equals) war. i'm not a fighter but i'm beginning to think that maybe i should be.

where is my jude? sing all of your na na na's and i'll be in in the back of the venue with the sun in my eyes.
lucy's heart is torn, maybe you should let her into yours as a safty net. she's falling, spiraling in a downward motion with no place to land.
let the girl with kaleidoscope eyes under your skin.

thump thump thump silence. one of these days my heart's going to give out from caring so much, loving so hard. what's wrong with me?
screwed is an understatement.
"that's what you get when you let your heart win". i don't want it to win anymore. what exactly is the danger in losing? i should listen to my mind over my heart, but that's difficult too since you're haunting my head as well.
it wasn't supposed to be this hard.

two seperate directions.
i'm standing at a crossroad and i don't know which way to go. backwards is an option but it leaves me miserable. i'm through with that part in my life but i'm stuck in it for just a little longer as i stare at the fork in the road infront of me.
you're safe.
he's not.
wait, are you safe? i'm not even so sure about that. i fear the other way is dark and dangerous and there is a light in your direction, but i'm through with false advertising.
don't lie to me.

teach me guitar chords and maybe one day i'll write a song for you about running through rows of speeding cars. my hands are clumsy but not when they're in yours.

liar liar, pants on fire.

it's sad that it's come down to this.
i wonder how you sleep at night. does your insecurity sing good lullabies? you have no idea what you've become and what you've lost, sweetie, but i know i haven't lost anything. infact i gained something.

respect.
respect is something to keep you warm at night, warmer than sleeping under a wool blanket.
you
should
be
shivering.

i hope my name makes you sick. i hope whenever you think of me, your blood runs cold.
this isn't the end.
you had your fun with me honey and i'm through with you but oh, karma's a killer. i'll just sit back and enjoy my life knowing i'm right (how into myself i am) and that you are wrong. you were always wrong.
fight fire with fire and you're lucky if you don't burn.
liar liar, pants on fire. burn in hell mother fucker. you've already been burning since the first lie spilled from your lips months ago. what an idiot i was to trust everything you said.
you think you're so sly.
to say you need help is an understatement, but your case might be too dire to actually save. i hope every thought of me is like pouring salt into open cut wounds, writhing at the pain that you've only done to yourself.

i may be frayed at the edges and you hold the needle and thread to what you have ripped, but at least my heart's not damaged and cold.

i am a fighter.
i get knocked down and i stand right back up.
you're not as strong as i am and baby.

tick tock goes the clock, but time doesn't change a thing.
you can forgive but never forget and i hate to break it to you, but in your case neither will happen.
memories like photographs will eventually fade, but this pain you caused was so strong that it'll always hit full force when i think of you.
you're like venom, poison to those who care about you and if you don't quit your actions you'll eventually kill everything good you've got in your life. no one likes a liar. you may have everyone fooled but i see behind that mask of yours.

how do you deal with yourself?

i never understood hate and anger taking up someone's life, controlling them like some puppet on strings but that's what you are.
who's got your back? who's got your back that you wont eventually turn on?
being friends with you is like walking on eggshells, expecting broken promises and low blows. i'm ashamed to say that i had faith in you, i thought i saw a light inside of you other people couldn't see. now i know that the light was your heart burning into ashes.

you are walking on a battleground now around me that will
never.
go.
away.
i'm armed and dangerous. one wrong step and you're gone, blown to pieces but hey, if that's what it comes down to, it won't be a loss of a heart because you never had one in the first place.

i can breathe, i can breathe now.

failure.

it's like every step forward is equivalent to four steps backwards.

i'm inhaling underwater and holding my breath when i break surface.

it's like i'm asking for it.

don't take life so seriously, none of us ever get out of it alive.

consistently inconsistent.

at least i'm steady with what i do.

it's either really late or way too early, depends on your standpoint.

incoming: crash and burn.

oh, one more thing.

i'm dreaming before i even fall asleep and running out of sheep to count.

rapunzel had it easy.

i am trapped in a world where i don't feel at home.

dreaming is so much better than reality to the point where i don't ever want to wake up.

in dreams i can feel you wrap your arms around me and hold me tight, taste the sweet kisses from lips i've never touched.

why are you so far away?

it hurts.

my heart aches and not in that way that good kind of way i want it to, complete with butterflies set free inside your stomach. it's the way that hurts when you swallow, stomach twists and knots and feels like you can't breathe...like you're trapped underwater and drowning to death, anchor tied to your ankles and weighing you down.

it's wrong, in so many ways it's terribly wrong but then why does it feel like the right thing to do?

i can't stop this heart from beating.

don't tease me, don't end up saying it's all a lie because i could never live with that. i close my eyes and all i can see is you, is that mutual?

god, i pray every night that it is, hugging my pillow tightly to my chest pretending it's you.

itsnotwrong.

he's breathing next to me and i just want to block it all out. this isn't how it's supposed to be, that should be you lying next to me. sometimes i cry myself to sleep because i've never felt so alone in my life.

i'm lost.

i'm stranded in the middle of nowhere and you hold the map, so come rescue me.

when i was younger i was told if you wished hard enough, whatever you want will come true. so i'm sitting here now, watching for shooting stars and waiting till the clock turns 11:11.

nothing's happening.

when will i have my happy ending?

i need this like a bad habit. pleasebewithme.

before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.

i'm just a ghost.
is this what we've become? i remember things so vividly, like they only happened yesterday and now you're throwing around past tense words and i'm struggling to find a reason why.
i wasn't aware that we died.

how was the funeral? i hope the casket was big enough to fit the two of us.

was the eulogy nice? how much real information was watered down? no one will ever know the truth and you just keep pushing it away, even in this apparent afterlife.

dear coroner, i may have cheated but she stabbed me in the back. can you not see the crimson red flowing down my spine?

we may be done and over with one chapter of our lives, but the door was left swinging...

i guess you slammed it shut.
i can hear the repercussions in my head echo, echo, echoing till the words have numbed me and i cannot feel a thing.

you gave up everything.

a punch in the gut, a slap in the face...this hurt is more unberable than those two put together. you've got your hands around my heart and your grip is tightening, but i'm a surviver. i will survive.
i may have made this mess like a hurricane leaves destruction in it's path, but baby you came in like a wildfire and burned it all to the ground while i came back to reconstruct things.

you never even gave it a chance.

you're a fucking liar.

well, you know what the funny thing is? no matter how many times you scribble over my face in pictures, how many times you rip apart every letter i gave you and toss it into the wastebasket, set fire to the roses and destroy everything that reminds you of me...i'll still get my revenge.

remember: you can't erase memories.

and straight on till morning.

i'm wishing on shooting stars that end up being airplanes.

i'm going nowhere fast.

150 knots is still not fast enough.

it's like i've just gone a thousand miles on one tank of gas, foot pressed against the petal like i've got nothing to lose till i've become a blur of movement and sound.

faster than a bullet.

faster than the speed of light.

i want to scream, but it strangely feels good, comforting that i've grown to sit back and relax. laugh. mechanical laughter. is this what my life's become? full speed without a rest stop in sight? reattach the breaks and hand me a map: i want to go home.

my ties are starting to wear thin, which sounds like something familiar to my motivation. this falls onto deaf ears, but in the end aren't you the only one that matters?

i'm the little engine that could, but can't.

chuga-chuga choo-ch--i've run out of gas.

someone please help, give me a push to keep me going. i can't give up, not when i'm in the middle, but it's so easy to just let go over everything and fall back down the hill to the beginning. trying involves too much effort and sucks too much of your strength away nowadays.

i think i can, i think i can, i think  i can...

where the wild things are.

i'm in love with myself

but the same time i want to push myself down a flight of stairs.

i'm such a terror, i know.

put up a blockade when the sun is high but when the moon rises, the claws come out.

it's sick.

punching mirrors and kicking walls gets tiring, just pour me a glass of cyanide and send me to bed with no supper.

i'm done.

an oldie, but still a goodie.

it's nights like these where i can't help but hate myself. sleep tight for me because i'm not so sure i can, stomach twists and heartaches keep this insomnia running on full speed. the fuel works wonders but comes with a strong distaste and it's the trigger for my upchuck reflexes. so come on baby, pull that trigger. see what happens when my body gives out and i'm sprawled out on that floor, a disgusting mess of guilt and shame and possible heartbreak. i could hear your laughter for it all even though the sound of it is foreign. i loved you, but not in that way. not in the way you think i was. that's what hurts the most.

cries.
pleas.
apologies.

tongues are tied and i'm left rung dry of words. all have been used before and i feel cheep when i sound repetative. they say repeating things is the way to get through to a closed mind. i don't believe it.
there are no songs. there are no catchy melodies and heartfelt lyrics to fall back on. there is no blanket of catchy phrases and hooks to wrap myself around. no song can play out the emotions coursing through my body. instead i'm covered in regret. regret doesn't keep you warm at night and there are still no damn lyrics i can find to fit this. i want to sing this all away. belt and scream harmonies and melodies until my lungs give out. scream until my voice and throat go raw. punching though walls and kicking down doors wont do it for me. not that i've tried. throwing fits is so preschool and i've graduated to kneeling over a toilet bowl instead. i'm throwing up my insides tonight and its relaxing for a moment or so until the shaking returns full force and i'm spitting out harsh words instead of my guts. i can't feel. i can't cry. this numbness isn't pleasent but whatever. if you can deal i guess i'll just have to learn how to. last i checked being a human meant you couldn't control your own emotions and swallow down feelings but i'll try oh so hard to keep them under the rader next time so we don't have a history repeating.

trust.
lies.
cover ups.
learn from mistakes.
dont dwell on them.

i'll go to sleep finally when the sun is up, ipod headphones cushioned in my ears as my itunes searches for the perfect song to fit my unlabeled emotions.

every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.

i don't know you, but oh,

how i'd kill you get into your mind.

walk a mile in your shoes.

i can read you easier than you'd expect anyone to really. you'd be surprised.

you're a complicated one, but you wear your heart(grenade) on your sleeve. as much as you'd love not to be, you're sometimes as transparent as the shallow end of a pool. don't jump off the deep end just yet, you're still learning how to swim.

throwing punches underwater is as effective as screaming in a soundproof room. you've still got the fight left in you kid, you can take it.

one more black eye.

a few more bruises.

i wonder what you see when you look in the mirror.

glossy eyes and shaking hands.

tell me, how'd you get a firm grip on reality with all of that trembling?

tell me, can you see straight?

dizzy-drunk and on the high of a whirlwind, you think you're unstoppable. well sweetheart, i hate to break it to you but you're no superman.

you've got more than kryptonite to fear.

i've seen you low, i've seen you high, can you just go back to the mainstream and pretend like nothing had ever happened? the color in your eyes is fading as much as your will is. please don't falter. please don't let go.

this halo cracked.

give it some spit-shine, the gloss is gone along with the innocence.

what happens when wings are broken? angels don't get casts. do you fall back to earth?

press the restart button, get a second chance.

only god can judge you.

zombie.

you've killed me.
you've murdered the trust i once had in people and you'll never know the damage you have done because you refuse to even look at me, think back to the times when we so close that trust just came naturally.
you broke it.
you shattered it into tiny little specks that can't even be called pieces.

i'll never be that way again.
these eyes are like glass, hollow and transparent and i can't even hide my feelings away in myself anymore. they come spilling out like ocean waves, crashing into tears for the whole world to see.
i used to be so strong,what happened? the walls around me haven't crumbled, they've been rebuilt with ten times the durability and i'm trying to claw my way out of them, but i'm left with bleeding nails and a broken heart.
i want to scream but i feel like no one can hear me, no one is listening...

...my ears can't pick up the sound, i've suddenly gone deaf and i'm loosing breath because i'm suffocating.
these walls around me are closing in and i'm choking on the lack of air, too dark to see and my non-existent screams are bouncing off walls and reverberating off of my broken heart.

my heart and head don't connect anymore and my mouth is miles away.
i don't think before i speak, i let my emotions run away from me and i'm left in the dust as i try to catch up with myself.

i've cried myself a river that i can't build a bridge and get over.

i'm torn up from the inside out with razorblade words you've cut me with and i'm slowly bleeding myself to death.
i used to think trust was easy, but how can it still be easy when i don't believe in anything anymore?

i want to believe in you.
i want to believe in us but i need someone to save me because i'm digging a hole for myself that is constantly getting deeper and i can't get out of it myself.

hold my hand.
pull me out of this rut.
give me something to believe in.

almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

a bruised heart is equivalent to clipped wings.

you get up off of your feet to fly, soar high but you cannot hold yourself. you fall.

they say to kill a mockingbird is a sin, but you can take aim and shoot at the blue jays and robi(y)n's like they don't matter. i thought everything/one was made to be equal on this earth. we all may not think identically, but we do breathe and feel things the same as everyone else.

aim and ready to fire.
don't shoot until you see the whites of their eyes.
i'm bulletproof and ready to go, but your armaments are deadlier than any gun or knife a person could possibly have in their possession. words are like deadly weapons, they can cut through you worse a shear knife ever could. they rip you apart from the inside out, hanging on every word that was said until you collapse from the internal bleeding.

it's a silent kill. it cannot be tracked. no foot or fingerprints can be traced, no bullet holes to tie to a gun, no evidence to who had done the killing.

but since when was dying inside considered a murder?
put the man on trial! which man? no man. you cannot find him. how can you arrest someone when there's no evidence pointing to anyone in particular?

court is adjourned.
this case is hopeless.

rainb(l)ow(s).

paint me like a picture.

fill me with colors from the bristles connected to your fingertips. color me happy; sunshine yellow and bright orange. i want to grow and thrive like forest green. i'm sick of the dull grays and blues splotched through my life like cancer, eating and rotting away at the canvas. i caught fire red, burning a hole through the pages that added up to my life.

oh yeah, and there were words there too.